So I've been gone for quite a while. So much has happened it wouldn't make sense to even try summing it all up in one sitting. Plus...my creative juices haven't been flowing like they do best for a couple weeks now. I'm in a lull. And it turns out there is actually a legitimate reason (via doctors and such) to why I've been feeling this way (more about that later).
I've got so many changes already under my recently crafted belt and so many still on deck. I'm struggling to wrap my little head around these large feats...but it turns out it's going to happen, whether I like it or not. That's the thing about life, it goes on--with or without you.
So I made the decision to leave my job and pursue other opportunities. I made the decision to move back to my home state to be closer to the people I love most. And I made those decisions a little over a month ago when I saw things as clear as day. I was sitting in my backyard, taking in the summer wind...and it just sorta hit me suddenly. I knew what I wanted to do. I had a plan. And I felt strongly about it. I knew there was risk involved but I had no fear in those moments that it would all work out. I could do it--and I would.
Since that day in my backyard things haven't gone quite as smoothly as I first envisioned them to. But I guess that comes with anything in life. You can't plan the unexpected and you can't fear it either.
My mom had been here visiting that weekend and I told her that same day. For some reason I was surprised that she supported me from the very beginning. She had my back from square one. The next obstacle would be telling my father. My career mentor, my mogul. You see, I had the advantage of knowing what he would think about my decision, which was in the same way a disadvantage. We are so much alike I knew he would have the same exact concerns the logical side of me already had.
"I certainly wouldn't think leaving a perfectly good job without having another one lined up seems smart." "How will you afford this?" What if things don't work out?" and the kicker... "What if you change your mind?"
In reality I had thought most of that through. I had money saved. I knew if I wanted it enough I'd make things work. I had all the skills and experience and promise of landing a job when I came across it.
But what if I did change my mind? Leaving the wonderful city life of Chicago... a place I had made a life for over 3 years. What if things didn't pan out quickly in Michigan? What if I it wasn't so easy to find a job? Those were the tough ones. Those are the same questions I've asked myself every day since.
Especially on the days I start telling people about my decision. Because THAT is what really makes it real. Makes it hit ya. Makes you think... 'oh no, wait!! maybe I should stay.' Especially when those people start asking you the same questions you've already been asking yourself. You see people always want to know what's next in this world. Whether they are just nosy and itching for information or they're just trying to keep the conversation flowing. Oh you're leaving... why are you leaving? Where are you going? Where will you live? What will you do? Why would you do that? Have you started packing yet? Seriously--who asks if you've started packing yet?
After it was announced at our company wide meeting today I got a mixture of all those questions and comments. I have to say that I realize probably every single one of those people that asked was doing so in high regard and wanted to wish the best to me. In fact I wish I could share the whole story with them so they would know what brought me to this point. But still it felt uneasy to talk about it... and I questioned how much detail to give. Especially when my boss's desk is roughly 6 1/2 feet from the conversation so she can hear every word spoken (just like you can hear a pin drop in a 20 foot radius because it's so quiet all the time).
So to get back to the point I was trying to make when I started this...Change is scary. Change is risky. Change is exciting. Change is a mystery. Change can be many things to many people but usually it's not the easiest choice when it's yours to make. But change can be good and change will be good because it's necessary to move forward and grow. How can we be so resistant to something that is consistently constant? So now that I've acknowledged some fears, I'll acknowledge my strength for choosing the more challenging path. And look forward to the next part of the adventure. And embrace the idea that if you want things to get better you have to do something about it.
So change.... it's a good thing.
To be continued...
(insert some inspirational quote about how change is constant like the four seasons ....each spring things blossom just as new, giving you a chance to start fresh, to start over)
